Everyone has different levels of pain. Somedays for me are easier then others. Sometimes I just wish my body would stop hurting, but 10+ years of living in pain, with joints that sting at times, just isn't what I had planned for myself.
Today for example is a bad pain day. I tried to ride it out but the pain just keeps getting worse. People ask "why not go to the ER" yes. why don't I go. Being labeled unfairly by the ER in my city is the main reason I refuse to go. Quite a few nurses who work there who know me, know I'm not faking it. It took 1 doctor, JUST ONE DOCTOR to label me a faker. I've seen my file. I could probably have a heart attack in my own home, and wouldn't go to the ER, for fear of not getting treated equally. I've refused pain meds in the ER before, but still am labeled a 'seeker'. Lets get one thing straight. IF I was a seeker, the ER (you know that place where people go for help) would not be MY 1st choice. Anyway, I got sidetracked, but you get the idea. (ALL the nurses at my ER are WONDERFUL aside from 1. I can't beat that record. Lucky for me my sister chewed her a new asshole after I had my back surgery.)
I wish I had a big ol' Bathtub I could sit in hot water and soak my hurt away. Tho I know it'll only be temporary it'd still be better then gritting my teeth hoping my pills work. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. I just ride it out.
I ask myself why me alot. What did I do in a past life to deserve this. I wanted the white picked fence dream. A guy who'd care about me and want to be with me the rest of my life. Sickness and health. Obviously the guy I was with rather stick his dick in a woman he made fun of to me, while I was sick.
Deep breath. I got 3 wonderful kids, who are the most caring souls imaginable. My Siy who's always been there for me. I got my chickypoo who's my friend again. I got a boyfriend who drives me insane, but i love him. A parent who loves me regardless of how much of a pain in the ass I can be. If it wernt for these 7 people, I'd of picked worm food.
If you are reading this, and someone you love suffers from chronic pain, or they are depressed, or they just feel like a fat piece of shit in their own body at times, don't treat them like shit. It doesn't help. Its counter productive. If you can't handle the heat, get outta the kitchen, instead of throwing gasoline on the fire.
Anyway that's enough for today. I had to get that off my chest.
No comments:
Post a Comment